My morning troll around the internet uncovered a couple of interesting tidbits. The first of which is http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20016233,00.html an article on them possibly making a musical of the Goonies. Anyone who knows me knows I do like musicals, however, this is the most ridiculous idea anyone has EVER conceived!
The Goonies is one of those classic movies that has somehow managed to not be defiled by sequels or spinoffs and here they go trying to ruin it! There are some things that should NOT be messed with and The Goonies is one of them!
The second thing I uncovered the other day was an article on Chatelaine.com http://www.chatelaine.com/english/sex/article.jsp?content=20070111_161611_5324. This is an article which asks the question Is it still cheating if there's no sex? The article itself was really interesting but was even more interesting were the comments posted after the article.
Many of the comments were by woman whose husbands had had emotional affairs which led them either to counselling or divorce. What I got from this article was that the cure to this problem entirely is good communication with your significant other. If you are always completely open with them than emotional affairs shouldn't occur to begin with.
Many of the people who posted comments were extremely bitter and playing the blame game. When a marriage fails it is not the fault of one person in that relationship. Most of the people leaving messages were quick to blame their cheating spouse and take absolutely no responsibility for the failure of their marriage. For example:
"I was in a troubled marriage and had an affair which had both physical and emotional components. This happened because my needs were not being met. My marriage ended but I benefitted from the affair by being awakend to the fact that I was unhappy."
"I agree with Kathryn from Windsor that classmates.com is the worst thing that has happened to marriages."
"My husband, now ex, had a 6 month emotional affair with a "friend of the family". I didn't know this "friend" existed and he was encouraged by his mother to get in touch with her. Our marraige was not great but once he connected with her on an emotional level, it threw all my chances to fix our marriage out the window. He met up with her when he was on a business trip, came home, ended our almost 17 year marriage, left the kids and I on Christmas day, moved to BC, moved her from Calgary, lives with her and her child."
The first person talks about their needs not being met. In a relationship you can't expect the other person to be able to read your mind. You need to tell them what you need and they have to extend you the same. If you cannot talk openly about this than there is a deeper problem in your marriage. This is how emotional affairs get started because you or your partner start telling people outside your marriage about what you need that you aren't getting. The only person who can fix this is you and your partner not people outside of the relationship.
The second person just blames a website for the break-up of marriages. Websites don't break people up - people do. A website like classmates.com is just one example of an outlet communication-impaired people use to meet their needs instead of doing what they should and that is talking to their partner.
The third person admits to problems existing in their marriage and takes no responsibility for that. She blames her husband's emotional affair for the ultimate break-up of the marriage when it was in trouble long before the other woman came into the picture.
In all this I am not saying that emotional affairs are ok. The people who engage in these affairs are as much to blame as the people who refuse to own up to their responsibility in it. The ones who engage in emotional affairs should be talking to their partners about the stuff they are telling the people they are cheating with.
So many people fall into the emotional affair trap because they think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. When you are in an affair of any kind you aren't having to deal with the other person on a day to day basis. All the problems you are having with your spouse/partner don't exist there. But be sure that if you were to end things with your partner and move in with the person you are engaged in the affair with the same problems will eventually develop. There is no such thing as a problem-free relationship. All relationships require work and if you're not interested in this kind of work then don't get married and don't be in a long-term relationship.
And this all comes down to one simple thing - know what you need in life before you drag someone else along with you for the ride.
This is why I have not rushed into marriage. The most important thing is to find the right person. Nowadays so many people are getting married for the wrong reasons. Many of them don't even know themselves let alone the other person they are marrying.
I come from a place where many people get married cause there is nothing else to do or because it is the obvious next step in their life. Many out of fear of being alone or thinking they cannot handle life alone.
"A relationship isn't meant to be an insurance policy, a life
preserver or a security blanket." ~Diane Crowley This is a quotation I always remember when I have one of those moments where I feel I can't do it alone. No one else in the world is going to rescue you from your life. If you go into a relationship expecting that of the other person than that person will be overburdened and end up being suffocated. It is a relationship that cannot survive.
You need to be a complete and whole person before you can ever think of sharing your life with someone else.
It was a thought provoking article for sure.
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